Dating & Relationships

Girl says, "Why are all men such jerks?"

Guy says, "All the good ones are already taken."

If this sounds like a familiar refrain, then that's exactly the type of sentiment I want to address in this column. No, I don't have a top 10 list of the best pickup lines or the 3 steps finding your soul mate. What I offer is a suggestion for a change in perspective...

Quips, like the ones I quoted earlier, suggest that there is a lack of good choices out there; hence, the tone of hopelessness. I'd like to suggest that perhaps the problem is not that there is a lack of good choices, but that you might be looking for the wrong person. Most people go with a "gut feel" or "chemistry" when it comes to picking potential partners.

Are you girls always looking for that popular guy with the charms and the suave? Not trying to over generalize it, but aren't those candidates to cause you heartache down the road? No wonder all guys seem like jerks.

And guys, are you always looking for eye candy and physical attraction? Aren't those the very candidates that will be taken since just about every young male wants that? No wonder all the so-called "good ones" seem to be taken.

Those seem to be really rudimentary, almost primal, selection models. Realistically though, are these really the types of people that will be good for you in a relationship? Perhaps it's time for a more thought-out selection process. Who are the types of people that will be good for you in a relationship? Write down a list. Be honest with yourself. Think long-term. Think realistically. Clarify in your mind what makes the best sense for a partner. Then maybe you'll start to see a whole new world of choices open to you.